Doubling Down

I went to the doctor on Friday and guess what, no chemo! No biopsy! Woohoo! 

Instead, the Dr took one look at me and said, well you're definitely worse than
3 weeks ago, so we have 3 options:

1. Chemo - which I don't want you to go back on ever, if we can avoid it
(I'd have to be on it for at least a year w/no definitive end point)

2. Continue on your Stelara (my current immuno-suppressor) and
see if it goes back into remission

OR

3. Stelara coupled w/Neoral which is ANOTHER immmuno-suppressor
and that means we'll be doubling down on your immune system.
Neoral is used for transplant patients to prevent organ rejection and 
is a super immuno-suppressive. this form of treatment also boarders 
on experimental because it's rarely used. 

Normally they don't use 2 immuno-suppressive drugs together (especially these two)
because it's extremely dangerous and can be life threatening. And he'll have to watch
me like a hawk. I have to go in for blood work every two weeks because it causes severe
 damage to the liver/kidneys and raises blood pressure.And believe it or not I have normal
 to low blood pressure....no ginger rage lurking in there! Being on both drugs is rare and means I'll have no immune system to speak of for some time. I will have to be really careful around anyone sick. 

SO, we decided to go w/option 3 because the benefits outweigh the risks at this point. Little did I know this drug is super hard to find. I spent forever trying to find it and dealing with some wildly inept people at the 3 different pharmacies. That DID raise my blood pressure and I think I may have been turning colors by the time I left. 

Also, no biopsy, since he took one look at me and knew it couldn't be anything else. 

And he skipped the EKG too, he just listened to my heart for a few minutes and said 
we'll postpone it for a few weeks until the drugs kick in. He actually said, your heart
 sounds happy, maybe the fluttering was caused by something exciting? hahahah! oh Dr.!!

I am very happy that he had an alternative for me and didnt make me go through anymore tests.
 He drew many vials of blood though..which i think he might be drinking it. 

I'm a little scared of the "doubling down" but I'd rather do this in the short term than have
 poison in my body for the long term. I'll just have to be careful and carry hand sanitizer
 everywhere. It's going to make me really tired and nauseated but it should taper off at
 some point. 

Dr.said something funny at the end...he said,I believe in fairness in life and I know this is
 hard right now, but you're going to get through this and only good things are going to
 happen for you after that, a lot of good things, like winning the lottery. Good things
are coming your way, I can feel it. You're my one percenter (rare case) but that also
 means your good fortune is going to be just as rare and incredible.

Talk about uncanny! I love my doctor, he's such a good guy and he really cares
about his patients.

It's even more important than ever for me to stick to my workouts so I can keep
my strength up. I'm still doing at least an hour a day, but I'm going to join the
 gym again w/desiree and workout twice a day. 

I had a really long discussion in the car too, and I've decided not to worry myself
with doubt and anxiety anymore and just have faith that things will get better.
Dr. L is right, there is fairness out there and good things are definitely coming my way.
I believe it and I feel it. Life is good. 

Pain is fear leaving the body

I've been a busy bee as of late. So many plans, projects, events, etc. Summer is barely upon us but I feel I'm already moving at a breakneck pace. Instead of the usual work on my elliptical, I've been engaged in other ways. I'm starting to run w/Reese and make him a good jogging companion. I also get out more because of the weather. So walking w/the dogs or exploring the Sound replaces some of my regular workouts. I am considering going to Crossfit w/Travis as I was approached by the owner and told not to let my fear keep me from greatness. Sounds familiar, right?

I am re-implementing my summer schedule:

0500: get up & workout

0600 : check mail/get ready for work

07:15: leave for work

1800: run / workout / weights / Jillian / Pilates

Nutritionally speaking I'm going to implement a mostly pescatarian approach again, having meat once a week and sticking w/fish or alternative protein sources - eggs, garden burgers, etc. This also means ditching dairy again as it's an inflammatory food. I don't eat a lot of it anyway, but yogurt is the only dairy I'm not willing to forgo. I already eliminated most inflammatory foods from my diet, so that shouldn't be an issue at all.

And as hard as it will be w/all the summer parties and events, the big caloric offender has to take a hike - alcohol. It's easy to miscalculate what you're consuming when having a cold adult beverage. To see the greatest result possible I am going to scale this back considerably and take a very limited approach. It will definitely be worth it when I see the payoff. Not to mention, if I end up on the medicine my doctor is threatening me with this week, alcohol is going to be a threat to my health. My skin condition has become much worse over this past month and I had a major flare, so I've been tanning as prescribed by my dermatologist. Unfortunately, the results are not what we had hoped and we're in a last resort status. Back onto methotrexate I must go. Methotrexate is a pill form of chemotherapy and has helped me before to combat this condition. Chemo is no fun, that is for sure, but it works. It really beats the hell out of your liver so you can't drink very much while you're on it. It also makes you feel like hell, flagging energy, hair loss and severe fatigue. Loads of fun. So, that's just another reason I need to get my routine back in full swing and raise my energy before it takes a massive hit from the medication. I figure taking a proactive approach now is  the only way I'll get through this with my sanity intact. They say that pain is fear leaving the body, well, then I shouldn't have an ounce of fear left in my by the looks of things. Between my workout schedule and medication, I'll be pushing through pain on a regular basis. 

Wish me luck and that this next round of training and medication works wonders!

have a great primal day